


You're right here/A stab to my heart

by sobermeup



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service RPF
Genre: Healing, Heartbreak, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:51:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7550329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobermeup/pseuds/sobermeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're right here, and it's like a stab to my heart. I step foot in this house and it's just a goddamned reminder that I'm not it, I'm not- not yours. And it fucking hurts."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're right here/A stab to my heart

"You're right here, and it's like a stab to my heart. I step foot in this house and it's just a goddamned reminder that I'm not it, I'm not- not yours. And it fucking hurts."

Ever since Kingsman Taron had wanted this chance. He's right here, his lips millimeters away from Colin's. He could just lean in, and-

But he can't. Colin is married.

And his wife is a lovely woman. Taron has met Livia multiple times. She's very kind, got the biggest heart of anyone he knows. She makes the best brownies Taron has ever tasted. She doesn't like scary movies and she loves flowers. He hates that he knows that. He doesn't want to know that. He wants to be able to picture her as some nameless bitch who he wouldn't care if Colin cheated on her. He does care, though, he cares a shit load.

Colin has yet to push him away. Somehow that hurts even more than if he had. They're standing in Colin and Livia's kitchen. The couple had invited him for tea and she wasn't home yet. They had been joking around when Taron made a joke about Eggsy and Harry. He took it too far and it upset Colin. He apologized and Colin said he understood. That was like a stab to Taron's heart. No, Colin, you don't understand. And Taron had made sure Colin got that he doesn't understand.

"Colin,"

He sounds broken to himself. That probably has to do with the fact that he was just crying.

"Taron, Liv and I had a conversation."

He really, really tries not to wince at her name.

"I know how you feel about me, as does she. If you'd like, you can kiss me."

Taron puts his face on Colin's shoulder. And sobs. That's not fair. That's extremely not fair. He's allowed one kiss, but that's it. That's not what he wants.

He wants to have Colin. He wants to wake up next to Colin. Taron wants to be the one on Colin's arms at red carpet events. He wants to be able to say 'I do.' He wants Colin. He wants to man so badly.

He knows what one kiss will do. He knows that it'll be glorious. He knows it'll be everything he ever dreamed and more. But he also knows he'll go home tonight and it'll break his heart because that's the end. It's concrete evidence that he can never have Colin.

God, he wishes he was actually Eggsy. That way he could at least sort of have Colin.

Colin wraps his arms around Taron and it just makes things worse. He doesn't pull away though, God, he'd be dumb to pull away.

"You don't have to, it's just- I thought maybe it'd help."

Taron lifts his head and looks at Colin.

"I want to, God, I want to, I just can't."

Colin is silent for a moment. He doesn't look at Taron, so he puts his head back on Colin's shoulder. As long as Colin has his arms around Taron, he'll stay right there.

"Would you like me to kiss you? Would that help?"

Taron is quick to lift his head and look at Colin. To have Colin initiate the kiss; it'd be breathtaking. He could imagine that Colin is his if Colin initiates it. He could- yeah he could handle that.

He takes a deep breath.

"Please,"

Everything seems to go in slow motion after that. Colin puts a hand on Taron's cheek. Then he brings their faces closer together. He doesn't kiss Taron immediately. The seconds between his hand caressing Taron's face and lips touching are agonizing to Taron.

But it's worth it when Colin kisses him.

He was right, it's everything he's ever dreamed. It's like a breath of fresh air, cold water after not drinking for weeks, a nice comfy bed, a hot shower.

It's _comfort_.

Taron wraps an arm around Colin's neck. He can't believe this is happening. He closes his eyes and immerses himself into his fantasy.

_Married, for a two months, and every kiss still feels like the first. Colin is his dream. Taron has never felt more connected to anyone in his life. He won't ever let this go. He can't._

But then Colin is pulling away and his fantasy is ripped away from him and shattered. The only thing he sees on Colin's face is pity. Taron steps back from Colin.

"I'm- I..."

He takes a shaky breath and steps back again.

"I have t-to c-cancel on tea. S-so sorry. G-give my love to Liv."

Taron turns and begins to walk out of Colin's house and perhaps his life.

"Taron! Wait!"

Taron stops for a moment and turns back to Colin. He smiles at him weakly. He must end it here. He can't go on like this.

"Goodbye, Colin."

That night Taron dreams of Colin and Harry and he wakes up screaming. He has tears rolling down his face and he can't breathe. He grabs for his phone and calls Sophie.

This is the first of many nighttime panic attacks she helps him through. It becomes a weekly thing. They lessen until Taron can sleep through the night again.

His heart still yearns for Colin, but he can breathe now. He can stop running a finger across his bottom lip. He can stop watching interviews. He can stop living, breathing, /needing/ Colin Firth.

He hasn't touched his 'Keep Calm and Love Colin Firth' mug in months. 


End file.
